My husband is a successful business leader. He has always been on the fast track at work. He set goals for himself at the age of eight, and has moved toward them ever since. He has accomplished most of the goals he set for himself, and is still striving to reach the others! However, I had never seen him lead in the same way at home. I often wondered why he didn’t want to lead, why he wasn’t doing xyz for our family, and many times over the years I have questioned him about those things. I finally discovered the reason for his lack of leadership in our family about two years ago.
Any guesses what it was? Think about it. Write down your thoughts. What could it be for your husband if the same thing is happening in your home that was happening in mine?
[Tweet “The reason my husband was not leading our family was because he had a wife who would not follow.”]
If you are married to a man who is not leading in your home, you may need to take a close look at yourself as his wife. Are you the cause?
Before some of you get angry with me, let me openly and publicly acknowledge the fact that my husband was and is responsible for whether he leads or not. I know that. He knows that. He readily admits that he did not lead because he felt like I wouldn’t follow, so why bother? We have not always done things correctly in our marriage or with our children, and we still struggle in those areas at times. We celebrate the successes that God gives us as they come, and we continue to work towards the goal of a holy marriage in Christ, forgiving one another and starting again as necessary.
My focus here today is on wives, and what our roles are in a christian marriage. We are also responsible for our own attitudes and behaviors in everything.
So what can you do if you have a husband who isn’t leading in your marriage?
Submit yourself to the Lord.
If you are not submitted to God in your life and in your attitude towards your husband, then please consider how that may be affecting your relationship with your spouse. Even if you have been a Christ-follower for many years, you may not be acting out of a submissive heart. God says we are to submit to our husbands. Period. We must learn to recognize the place in which our husbands have been set, as well as our own, and live accordingly.
Pray for your husband.
In my opinion, this is one of the most important things we can do as wives for our husbands. My husband has often asked me to pray for him. When we do pray for them, and our husbands know that they can depend on us to ask God for strength and peace on their behalf, they head out the door, walk into church, or into the tire shop with their heads held just a bit higher, their backs a little straighter, and with more of a spring in their step, because they know that we are going to bat for them with the Lord.
Honor and respect your husband as the head of your household.
Honor and respect are two very important ideas for all men. Even the young men living in my home, my sons, desire to be respected. Married men are no different. They desire to receive honor and respect from their wives and children. Many times the way we speak to our husbands does not show them that we honor them or that we respect them and their opinions. Is this the case in your home? It has been many times in mine. As wives we must learn to curb our sarcasm, the eye-rolling, and the I’ll-train-him attitude, and respond to our husbands in a loving way. When we behave with honor and respect, often our husbands will rise to the position in which we place them and in return respond to us in a more loving way, as well. Regardless, God commands it of us, and ultimately He is the one whom we must strive to please in our marriages.
Stand with your husband on parenting issues.
There have been many occasions on which my husband and I have not agreed. We simply have a different parenting philosophy on most issues. Please discuss your differences behind closed doors when it comes to parenting issues. I ask you to do this not because your kids should never see you argue or know that you don’t agree. I ask you to do this because arguing with one another in front of them about a parenting issue in the middle of dealing with an issue can undermine one or both of you and wreak havoc in your parenting efforts! If there is a discipline problem and you do not agree with your husband’s method, please speak with him privately, either asking him to come talk with you a moment or even after to let him know how you feel and communicate together about different ways to handle things, or perhaps you have a better way. The point is, present a united front. Stand with him on parenting issues, as this act leads back to your display of honor and respect towards him, and will help him to not only lead confidently but to be more willing to hear you out when your ideas about parenting do conflict with his.
Support and encourage your husband.
Do your best to support your husbands as they head out to work each day, as they attend church, lead family bible time, complete yard work, and more. Encourage them! Tell them you appreciate how hard they work to provide for your family, how they take time to play with your children, that you enjoy your weekly date nights, the way they maintain the yard, etc. Your husbands will blossom and grow under the shower of words you pour out on them!
I cannot say that I am always successful with this, or with all of the other points, either. However, I strive to reach these goals and I am a constant work in progress. It is God who continuously teaches me, stretches me, and shows me my need for Him as I allow Him to remake me into the woman, the wife, whom He has planned for me to be.
Do you need support in your homeschool marriage? Please connect with other christian women who desire marriage support.
Looking for some extra marriage resources?
Learn how to pray for your marriage.
Read a few books about marriage.
Do you have some tips to offer me or other women reading here about helping our husbands to lead? Please share them in the comments as I am always happy to learn from others who have gone before me!
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