All my life I have battled ‘voices’ in my head that tell me I am not good enough. I don’t really even know where they come from. I’ve just always felt less-than, and to be honest, it is still a daily struggle for me. I even wrote about it earlier this year for Hip Homeschool Moms in What Can I Do With These Voices in My Head ? I have always wanted so much to be valued, appreciated, and loved. I often feel as if I do not have anything that is worthy of offering to anyone. How much of that is wrapped up in the lies of the enemy, and how much in truth? I don’t know.
To the Woman Who Struggles with Feelings of Failure
I feel as if I am standing at a precipice, dangerously dangling over the edge, and at any moment I could tumble off into the torment of my battered, beaten, and broken emotions. I replay scenes from my childhood, my teen years, and wonder what I could have done differently to become the confident young woman, and now middle-aged woman, that I would like to be. Why do I struggle with self-worth? Why is it so difficult for me to share myself authentically with others? Why, oh, why can I not believe in myself?
Why do I feel like a failure?
It’s frustrating to live with a tape of your failures running through your mind. I have spent the last two days with worship music almost constantly playing in my ears because I am currently walking through a personal trial. I am not even sure I understand exactly what this ‘trial’ is. I simply know that I am struggling. So I keep playing some favorite songs by Kari Jobe.
Songs like I am Not Alone;
I know God’s truths in my head. Some days it is just really difficult to make myself believe them in my heart.
Despite what some may think, those of us who lack confidence, who do not feel worthy, who struggle to believe the truth that God says about us, that we ARE worthy and that He is always with us, we don’t want to feel this way. It is a spiritual battle, an emotional struggle, and it truly doesn’t help us to be shunned by those who claim to love us or to be told that we need to “get over it”. We need to find healing. We need to figure out where all of these feelings come from and then learn how to combat them, how to change that tape! What we crave is gentleness, kindness, understanding, a place of acceptance for our brokenness.
This morning, as waves of emotion were washing over me, and I began to feel overwhelmed, I sought God’s word. Here is what I found.
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. (NIV)
Joshua 10:25 Joshua said to them, “Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous. This is what the Lord will do to all the enemies you are going to fight. (see verse 26-27 to learn what this is)
*By the way our enemy is satan, not necessarily real live people we have to fight, though sometimes there are occasions when this happens, too.
1 Chronicles 28:20 David also said to Solomon his son, “be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished.
Isaiah 42:4 …he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth. In his teaching the island will put their hope.
Do you see the running theme?
Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged. The Lord is with you.
I see it. I know it. Yet, I still am afraid. I still get discouraged. Sometimes, I must remind myself of God’s promises to go with me. He is there to walk with me through this trial. No matter where it leads me. Self-discovery is hard! But I believe it is necessary for healing, for health.
I am clinging to God’s promises today. That He will calm the raging seas, that He will heal me, and that He is trustworthy. I may be afraid but I can still walk bravely into whatever it is He is calling me to. And I can be confident in Him, even when I am not confident in myself.
Will you ask Jesus to walk with you today, through whatever it is you’re struggling with? Let’s be courageous together!
Do you have a prayer need? I would be honored to pray for you. Please leave a comment for me or feel free to send me an email with your request.
UPDATE: I just came across a post by my lovely friend, Debbie. She is recommending a book that I think will be great for those of us who are struggling with feelings of Failure. Please head on over to The Architect and the Artist to read her post, be encouraged, and grab this book if you want!
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